I Moved Fast and I Broke Things

Oops.

Last week, looking to improve my station in life, I decided to embrace the dominant philosophy of our times and make it my own:

I was going to move fast, I decided, and I was going to break things.

And why not?

I would be a fool not to! The smartest, wealthiest people in the world were moving fast and breaking things, from tech billionaires to the leaders of our nation, and here I was like a schmuck, moving deliberately, thinking things through and considering the consequences.

Well, friend, no more.

Disruption!

Innovation!

Change!

From now on, these would be my new Gods.

And so this past Monday morning, as soon as I awoke, I hurried into the kitchen, turned on the coffee machine, put in a filter, filled it with grounds, took out a hammer and smashed the whole damned thing to bits.

My wife came racing in, just as I was taking a sledgehammer to the fridge.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she demanded.