Sexy Happy Underpants Lady

A story about finding your joy or something.

It can be difficult in these calamitous times to find one’s joy, and so I thought I would tell you how just the other day, I finally found mine.

I was suffering a pretty bleak morning, I’ll be honest, my heart like a flickering candle in the window beside a gathering storm, now alight, now consumed by darkness, my mind a fragile frond fallen upon a raging river of worry, tossed about by swirling eddies of despair, when I drove past a billboard selling sexy underpants.

Such a figure of absolute joy was the woman in the sexy underpants that I almost collided with the car in front of me.

Had anyone, clothed or semi, ever been so utterly happy, so positively joyful? I know, Cynic, I know! The photographer directed her to be happy! But trust me that the joy I saw upon her face was not a joy that could be faked for any amount of money, and so despite already being late for work, I drove straight to the nearest underpants store to get the underpants that made the sexy underpants lady so happy so that I could be that happy, too.

“Please,” I begged the underpants saleswoman, “I must have those underpants!”

She said she would be pleased to help me, but when she asked me which specific underpants the underpants lady on the underpants billboard was wearing, I realized I did not know - so consumed had I been with the underpants lady’s joy that I hadn’t gotten a very good look at the underpants themselves! I promised her I would be right back, and she said she would be there all day, and so I got back in my car and drove all the way back to the billboard on Lincoln Boulevard, where I parked at the side of the road and stepped onto the sidewalk.

There, towering above me, was happiness itself.

I took one step towards her, then another.