Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position

Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position

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Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position
Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position
Why I Wasn’t Chosen to be Pope

Why I Wasn’t Chosen to be Pope

What really went down in the Vatican, from someone who was there.

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Shalom Auslander
May 09, 2025
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Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position
Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position
Why I Wasn’t Chosen to be Pope
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The flight from LA to Rome is eleven grueling hours, but Jerry, the guy from the Vatican, said they were looking for an American for the Pope gig, and that I had a pretty good shot at being chosen, so I decided to go.

“Chosen,” I said with a laugh. “Because of the Jew thing.”

He didn’t laugh.

I was skeptical, of course, but Jerry was pretty convincing.

Th…

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