My "abnormal meaningfulness" is my employee number from when - after imploding late in Spring semester, yet somehow submitting final grades for my students, hiding out for months (even wore sunglasses if I had to go out in public - I hate sunglasses) - my next gainful employment (part-time at minimum wage) was working a Christmas kiosk at Sears, selling gift food boxes. As I was kneeling to retrieve more stock, I heard the familiar voices of two former colleagues at the university and wished that I could be vaporized into non-existence. No such luck. Very short painful conversation on the part of all three of us. So, yeah, 40 years later I always notice 653. 6:53, of course, but also any occurrence of 653 in any circumstance.
Because you were living in NYC on 9/11, it's not unusual that 911 became your meaningful meaninglessness. Trauma will do that to us.
I have worked in a schedule-critical profession for the last 30 years. Knowing what time it is, at all times, to the second, is a key part of it, so much so that it has soaked into my soul, the need to know the time.
So, when I was last single, I decided to solve the time-insecurity problem by ordering a Clock. This Clock was a big, digital clock, with 4” long, black metal encased red LEDs, glowing out 24-7-365 the time. Military time, of course, because AM/PM is fugly and the work of the devil. It has a GPS built into it so once a minute, it checks that its time is accurate to within a thousandth of a second.
Looking at the Clock, even causally glancing at the Clock, merely knowing the Clock was there, made me happy. The Clock was Good.
And then, because it was sitting there, displaying six digits at all times, I began to notice those digits when they related to each other. Which turned out to be a lot.
11:11:11 -> “Cool!”
23:23:23 -> “Ah, the numbers all match in pairs, I can go to bed now.”
12:34:56 -> “Wait for it…. BOOM! They’re consecutive digits!”
02:44:20 -> “PALINDROME! Pass me another beer!”
…and so forth.
It quickly became apparent that the number of numerical patterns that we find outstanding is… well, innumerable, and if you were to get such a Clock, the sheer volume of numerical coincidences that appear (in addition to 9-11) would be both delightful and water down your dread of 9-11 into a mere impatience that it appears so rarely.
Plainly, you need a good Clock.
Best of luck, and thanks for the writing!
P.S. Oh, and my Clock still lives, safely consigned to the garage where it won’t scare any humanities majors.
Make room for one more in the 11:11 crowd. I was seeing it so often at one point that I considered changing my company name to 11:11. (I thought better of it.) Should we start an 11:11 club and have our first meeting at 11:11 on 11/11? (Side note: 11/11 has the added benefit of being a non-confusing date, because while Americans write month/day, as in 9/11, the Rest Of Us write day/month. But 11/11 works for everyone! And how often do you get to say that??)
My birthday is on 9/11. My Mother‘s funeral was on a 9/11. My husband tried to commit suicide a few times on 9/11. Nothing to do with me apparently. Coincidence? My heart goes to whoever has an October 7 birthday 💔
Yikes, Yael. Those are some sad things to share a birthday with. Wishing you only good things in 9/11s to come. (By the way, my birthday is October 7.)
Thank you. I wish the same for you. And I hope we both find ways to celebrate our birthdays despite having to share the dates with sad and traumatic events. ❤️🩹
Before cell phones became cameras, I took a photo every day at 11:11 no matter where I was or what I was doing. Then I printed them out and put them in photo books. Sounds like nothing now, but back then it was not. My kids still talk about their mom's 11:11 project and i enjoy looking at the photos. Some were very repetitive--every Thursday at 11:11 I was at a tai chi class for much of one year. But also, my mother in law fell ill, and I've got daily photos of my hospital visits, etc. I taught a class and took photos of my students sitting in front of me, etc. Anyway, I still always notice 11:11 all of the time. It's a super fun project and now very easy to do--I highly recommend!
"...it’s simply a part of what we humans are, terrified souls trapped in physical bodies, desperately trying to find a pattern, a meaning, a message." We are certainly souls inside of physical bodies, and many people look for patterns, meanings and messages. But not all of us are terrified or desperate. I don't think that means we are lucky or dumb. Just looking at the mystery in the center of everything from a different angle.
I find ataraxia in meaninglessness which we all fill with meaning. (We make meaning.) I find ataraxia in uncertainty. Nothing feels more despairing to me than All Answers Known. I am grateful for mystery and the unanswerable. Questions are my home, and not answers. I am swimming in events (most beyond my ken) and I am thankful that omens are humorous instances.
And, yes, there is a lot of misfortune in the world.
Thank you for sharing this. Had a period of time off work and greatly enjoyed not living by the clock, just going by the natural pattern of sunrise and set. What a wonderful luxury it was.
The meaninglessness problem, I feel more applies more to algorithms in my life now.
After I broke up with a partner of six years, I saw the car he drove, a silver Honda Accord, everywhere. When I left the house to drive 8 hours to my mother's memorial service, I glanced at my phone. The time, 12:22, was her birthdate. After finding the cat who'd been hit by a car, a monarch butterfly appeared just above his lifeless body. It lit in the closest tree and stayed there until after I finally left to go inside. When I checked 10 minutes later, it was gone.
I'm not saying we don't have a disorder, but I'm also not saying mystery and magic are dead.
When we are desperate to make life meaningful? We look for patterns. The first bird that we see after a long winter; buds on a tree branch…we humans look for signs of life,or danger, or impending doom. The numbers are a reflection of our lives;age,names,addresses and we can’t help but to assign meaningful order to the digits. Humans gonna human.
Abnormal? Nah. We humans are always seeing patterns, connecting dots, looking for Meaning. It's why conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen these days.
Meaningfulness: I see my birthdate in the time, on receipts, and other places where there are numbers. I like to think of it as a thumbs up from my Higher Power. "I love you. You got this. Carry on." It can make a crappy day bearable and a good day better. (No, it's not 9:11, so you can quit hyperventilating now.)
Don't like the sign? Ask Upstairs Management to change it up. In the meantime, I love you. You got this. Carry on.
That numbers thing is freaky! I’ve had a lot of repetitive numbers- especially when I’m aware and looking for them… like 11:11 or 22:22 but since I couldn’t figure out if it was good or bad - angels sending me good wishes or demons sending a warning, I’ve decided as i try to do- to see the half full glass.
Keep breathing and refocus, Shalom :) you’re a man of words, right ? Not numbers.
My "abnormal meaningfulness" is my employee number from when - after imploding late in Spring semester, yet somehow submitting final grades for my students, hiding out for months (even wore sunglasses if I had to go out in public - I hate sunglasses) - my next gainful employment (part-time at minimum wage) was working a Christmas kiosk at Sears, selling gift food boxes. As I was kneeling to retrieve more stock, I heard the familiar voices of two former colleagues at the university and wished that I could be vaporized into non-existence. No such luck. Very short painful conversation on the part of all three of us. So, yeah, 40 years later I always notice 653. 6:53, of course, but also any occurrence of 653 in any circumstance.
Because you were living in NYC on 9/11, it's not unusual that 911 became your meaningful meaninglessness. Trauma will do that to us.
Thanks a lot, Katie. Now I'll be nervous about 911 AND 653.
hahahahaha. Sorry 'bout that - didn't mean to double your anxiety.
No worries. At this point, it's more of an exponent thing.
You may need a second therapist. What sane person microwaves anything for more than 9 minutes??
I use it as a timer for stovetop things.
But when did I ever lay claim to sanity?
Fair point. I did read the rest of the post.
I have worked in a schedule-critical profession for the last 30 years. Knowing what time it is, at all times, to the second, is a key part of it, so much so that it has soaked into my soul, the need to know the time.
So, when I was last single, I decided to solve the time-insecurity problem by ordering a Clock. This Clock was a big, digital clock, with 4” long, black metal encased red LEDs, glowing out 24-7-365 the time. Military time, of course, because AM/PM is fugly and the work of the devil. It has a GPS built into it so once a minute, it checks that its time is accurate to within a thousandth of a second.
Looking at the Clock, even causally glancing at the Clock, merely knowing the Clock was there, made me happy. The Clock was Good.
And then, because it was sitting there, displaying six digits at all times, I began to notice those digits when they related to each other. Which turned out to be a lot.
11:11:11 -> “Cool!”
23:23:23 -> “Ah, the numbers all match in pairs, I can go to bed now.”
12:34:56 -> “Wait for it…. BOOM! They’re consecutive digits!”
02:44:20 -> “PALINDROME! Pass me another beer!”
…and so forth.
It quickly became apparent that the number of numerical patterns that we find outstanding is… well, innumerable, and if you were to get such a Clock, the sheer volume of numerical coincidences that appear (in addition to 9-11) would be both delightful and water down your dread of 9-11 into a mere impatience that it appears so rarely.
Plainly, you need a good Clock.
Best of luck, and thanks for the writing!
P.S. Oh, and my Clock still lives, safely consigned to the garage where it won’t scare any humanities majors.
Weird. It sounds so much crazier when you do it than when I do.
Hence why my wife gently suggested it should live in the garage. Sigh.
We see what we expect to see.
https://elizabethbeggins.substack.com/p/the-far-shore-of-a-too-wide-river
"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are" - Alice in WL.
Right after you suggested I was sane. :)
I love that - thanks for sharing it!
Instead of trying to find meaning in everything I try to learn what I don’t understand.
me too. and yet still. several things can be going on in once
My always number is 11:11. A hope for peace that never materialized.
This is the time I always see as well. "We are all one"
Make room for one more in the 11:11 crowd. I was seeing it so often at one point that I considered changing my company name to 11:11. (I thought better of it.) Should we start an 11:11 club and have our first meeting at 11:11 on 11/11? (Side note: 11/11 has the added benefit of being a non-confusing date, because while Americans write month/day, as in 9/11, the Rest Of Us write day/month. But 11/11 works for everyone! And how often do you get to say that??)
It's always 11:11 for me too. Been going on for a few months now. I knew if I came to the comments I wouldn't be the only one.
My birthday is on 9/11. My Mother‘s funeral was on a 9/11. My husband tried to commit suicide a few times on 9/11. Nothing to do with me apparently. Coincidence? My heart goes to whoever has an October 7 birthday 💔
Yikes, Yael. Those are some sad things to share a birthday with. Wishing you only good things in 9/11s to come. (By the way, my birthday is October 7.)
Then you know how I feel. I tried to have an alternative date but it didn’t work. I wish you happiness in the year ahead.
Thank you. I wish the same for you. And I hope we both find ways to celebrate our birthdays despite having to share the dates with sad and traumatic events. ❤️🩹
Is this “too soon” after the Twin Towers came down?
I had to stop myself from counting the words. But at least I managed that which is something, I guess?
That's funny. Whenever I look it's 11:11. I like to think that's a good omen.
Me too.
Before cell phones became cameras, I took a photo every day at 11:11 no matter where I was or what I was doing. Then I printed them out and put them in photo books. Sounds like nothing now, but back then it was not. My kids still talk about their mom's 11:11 project and i enjoy looking at the photos. Some were very repetitive--every Thursday at 11:11 I was at a tai chi class for much of one year. But also, my mother in law fell ill, and I've got daily photos of my hospital visits, etc. I taught a class and took photos of my students sitting in front of me, etc. Anyway, I still always notice 11:11 all of the time. It's a super fun project and now very easy to do--I highly recommend!
#MeToo
"...it’s simply a part of what we humans are, terrified souls trapped in physical bodies, desperately trying to find a pattern, a meaning, a message." We are certainly souls inside of physical bodies, and many people look for patterns, meanings and messages. But not all of us are terrified or desperate. I don't think that means we are lucky or dumb. Just looking at the mystery in the center of everything from a different angle.
Kinda like soul searching.
I find ataraxia in meaninglessness which we all fill with meaning. (We make meaning.) I find ataraxia in uncertainty. Nothing feels more despairing to me than All Answers Known. I am grateful for mystery and the unanswerable. Questions are my home, and not answers. I am swimming in events (most beyond my ken) and I am thankful that omens are humorous instances.
And, yes, there is a lot of misfortune in the world.
Sartre said life probably has no meaning, but we can give it one.
Then again, if you're quoting Sartre as I just did, it's probably too late.
Thank you for sharing this. Had a period of time off work and greatly enjoyed not living by the clock, just going by the natural pattern of sunrise and set. What a wonderful luxury it was.
The meaninglessness problem, I feel more applies more to algorithms in my life now.
After I broke up with a partner of six years, I saw the car he drove, a silver Honda Accord, everywhere. When I left the house to drive 8 hours to my mother's memorial service, I glanced at my phone. The time, 12:22, was her birthdate. After finding the cat who'd been hit by a car, a monarch butterfly appeared just above his lifeless body. It lit in the closest tree and stayed there until after I finally left to go inside. When I checked 10 minutes later, it was gone.
I'm not saying we don't have a disorder, but I'm also not saying mystery and magic are dead.
You sound sane. A minority experience.
You think?
Hm... that and maybe stalkers, in silver Honda Accords.
When we are desperate to make life meaningful? We look for patterns. The first bird that we see after a long winter; buds on a tree branch…we humans look for signs of life,or danger, or impending doom. The numbers are a reflection of our lives;age,names,addresses and we can’t help but to assign meaningful order to the digits. Humans gonna human.
Abnormal? Nah. We humans are always seeing patterns, connecting dots, looking for Meaning. It's why conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen these days.
Meaningfulness: I see my birthdate in the time, on receipts, and other places where there are numbers. I like to think of it as a thumbs up from my Higher Power. "I love you. You got this. Carry on." It can make a crappy day bearable and a good day better. (No, it's not 9:11, so you can quit hyperventilating now.)
Don't like the sign? Ask Upstairs Management to change it up. In the meantime, I love you. You got this. Carry on.
That numbers thing is freaky! I’ve had a lot of repetitive numbers- especially when I’m aware and looking for them… like 11:11 or 22:22 but since I couldn’t figure out if it was good or bad - angels sending me good wishes or demons sending a warning, I’ve decided as i try to do- to see the half full glass.
Keep breathing and refocus, Shalom :) you’re a man of words, right ? Not numbers.