62 Comments

Only a Jew could write this and only a Jew can laugh at this. I’m laughing, and commiserating.

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author

I'll make the rules here, Susan. FP law: anyone can laugh at anything.

Except the Irish.

(Blazing Saddles reference)

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Thanks for the permision. Also, interesting how nobody cares if the Haitians get offended.

BTW, what happens with your plan once you run out of jews to feed to the Haitians? What if cats and dogs are tastier and they notice the difference? I don't think this will work. We're doomed.

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author

True. But I think that anyone who takes a bite of a burger and then says, "Hey wait, this tastes like Jew," would have a lot more to answer for than I can sort out here.

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True, you don't have to be Jewish to laugh at this. We're smart enough to recognize satire when we see it.

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But that’s where you’re wrong - a gentile can find it very funny too. Why not? It’s pertinent and absurd.

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Yep for the same reason only black people can say nigga

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Sep 21Liked by Shalom Auslander

OH MY GOD, Shalom. Really? Seriously? This is absolutely bonkers. But, hey...an altogether brilliant solution. You made me laugh so hard I think there may be something wrong with me. Now I am going to have a good cry and get back to normal.

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Jonathan Swift would approve🧡

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The hamburger is not kosher...

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author

Be realistic, David - Haitians don't keep kosher.

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I wasn't talking about the Haitians.

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At least PETA won't be involved!

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This is by far the BEST of Shalom. Absolutely marvelous. I'm still laughing.

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Holy hell thanks for the spittake [mops up spewed coffee]

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The young people are gonna latch onto this idea. It even works as alternate lyrics to that “let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor” song. The right number of syllables. Let’s workshoppit some more.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....I can't stop! Gotta read this to everyone I know, but can I do it without breaking up?....Probably not. it won't matter anyway, because I'm a Jew and according to this plan, I'll soon be dead. Good riddance to this weird and troubled world!

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You are clearly a genius!

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Unfortunately this is a rather frightening commentary because the fear of other nationalities and religions causes this kind of commentary and with the former president and his idiot running mate they are only serving to deepen this hatred as Rodney King said why can’t we all just get along

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Yes, but who will eat the Haitians?

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author

Antifa or cops, depending on the news cycle.

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Mr. Swift would like a word 😉🤓

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Perfect for this unhinged absurdity!

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Whoa! Time to get up out of the fetal position and stretch a bit . :-)

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Whoa is right!

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Brilliant! Win, win. More or less.

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The Haitians could also eat Harris and Emhoff spread with Mexican sauce.

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Her word salads are not filling enough on their own

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As a side dish maybe?

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