This post is a thank you to my subscribers and readers. It isn’t going to sound like one at the beginning. But bear with me. I’ll get there. • • • I didn’t want to write this today. I wanted to work on my novel, which is just now beginning to form in the deep space of my being, like a planet, drawing towards it thoughts and ideas from the far reaches of the unknowable universe of this swirling self, forming words and matter from elements both essential to me and unknown to me, a mystical phenomenon that can only be brought about by constant force, by relentless attention, by a stubborn focus on the unseeable which soon brings forth from the dark matter of one’s soul an Earth of life.
My first thought after reading this was “discovering shalom auslander might be the best thing that’s happened to me this year.” As if I’d “discovered” you! I’m a newb.
Shut up and get started on your book tour so I can line up and buy a signed copy and make you act like my 10 second dribble is the most charming thing you ever heard.
What a lovely thank you note! My debut memoir is out this July and I’m on the pole big time, but I feel better knowing we’re on it together. Sorry if that conjures a problematic image.
Thank you for writing such amazing stuff, Shalom. For my part, I’m so grateful for Substack because, were it not for this platform, I wouldn’t have discovered you.
Your book Hope: A Tragedy is sitting on my nightstand beckoning, and I can’t wait to delve in. Thank you for writing such amazing, funny, and more often than not relatable words.
No don’t i am a broke musician and a hopeless poet and i cant even resolve to street begging since my sax was stolen. So pretty please with cherries don’t raise the fucking prices(unless you are being facetious, in which case I promise i’m laughing on the inside
Oh, God. Now, I can't unsee your Sisyphean image of pushing the bike up to the highway ramp with the help of a person in four-inch heels. So, does this mean all these pitches I'm sending out to be a guest on someone's weird podcast and the instagram lives I'm doing will never end? Move over. I'm curling up in the fetal position with you. You're welcome!
I can proudly say I was 1 of those 400,000 (and apologize I didn’t count for 600,000 more!) the show was great. I am glad to see you on Substack. You’ve officially earned another reader. Looking forward to more work by you.
I identify thoroughly with this column. The difference between us is that I wrote the novels and have ignored the social media that would sell them. I'm just too lazy to self-promote, but I'm retired so there's that. I don't write finished pieces any longer, just stuff on Facebook.
Good luck with the novel! I'll buy it, so you can honestly promise a publisher that there's a market for it.
My first thought after reading this was “discovering shalom auslander might be the best thing that’s happened to me this year.” As if I’d “discovered” you! I’m a newb.
Amen to this.
Shut up and get started on your book tour so I can line up and buy a signed copy and make you act like my 10 second dribble is the most charming thing you ever heard.
Deal.
What a lovely thank you note! My debut memoir is out this July and I’m on the pole big time, but I feel better knowing we’re on it together. Sorry if that conjures a problematic image.
Thank you for writing such amazing stuff, Shalom. For my part, I’m so grateful for Substack because, were it not for this platform, I wouldn’t have discovered you.
Your book Hope: A Tragedy is sitting on my nightstand beckoning, and I can’t wait to delve in. Thank you for writing such amazing, funny, and more often than not relatable words.
Yours, Andrei, a fellow writer.
Don’t wait! It’s superb.
I just finished it. You were right, it was superb! Thanks for the nudge.
I’m so glad!
Hey. If you’re happy with this, think how much happier you’d be if you raised your price.
No don’t i am a broke musician and a hopeless poet and i cant even resolve to street begging since my sax was stolen. So pretty please with cherries don’t raise the fucking prices(unless you are being facetious, in which case I promise i’m laughing on the inside
Oh, God. Now, I can't unsee your Sisyphean image of pushing the bike up to the highway ramp with the help of a person in four-inch heels. So, does this mean all these pitches I'm sending out to be a guest on someone's weird podcast and the instagram lives I'm doing will never end? Move over. I'm curling up in the fetal position with you. You're welcome!
I think you’ll need to find the prostitute and give her a copy of your book when it’s out ….
If I must, I must...
I didn't want to read this today.
But I had to.
Because whoredom sells.
Apparently.
Jesus.
Thanks.
Hurry up and finish that novel! I'll tuck a five into your G-string.
I can proudly say I was 1 of those 400,000 (and apologize I didn’t count for 600,000 more!) the show was great. I am glad to see you on Substack. You’ve officially earned another reader. Looking forward to more work by you.
I'm 67 so I've been whoring for a long time!
I identify thoroughly with this column. The difference between us is that I wrote the novels and have ignored the social media that would sell them. I'm just too lazy to self-promote, but I'm retired so there's that. I don't write finished pieces any longer, just stuff on Facebook.
Good luck with the novel! I'll buy it, so you can honestly promise a publisher that there's a market for it.
This is the best Thank You note I ever received, and your mother didn't even make you write it!
Thank you too for being YOU, funny - desperate - smart - sincere, and for reaching out to others
Often I think of you, when I wish I could lie down in a fœtal position or have a damn good absurd laugh, and I don’t feel alone anymore.
8 billions human beings and counting, and how often we feel lonely and surrounded by danger.
Like you in that city suburb. Find a helping hand and a bit of companionship in a dark night is the best isn’t it?
That about sums it up, Sybille, yes.
I’m watching Happy-Ish again. Loved it first time around and still do. Thanks for your work.
Where did you find it?
It’s on Hulu.
Going to go to my son’s and have him bring it up (we’re dinosaurs and don’t have Hulu)
Thank you David
I suppose we’re all required to sell ourselves to some degree, regardless of our role - the world’s oldest profession is ubiquitous.