But surely after Henry blew his head off the Suffering Organization Ruling Committee would have thrown a red flag and overturned the judges decision. Suffering, after all, requires a requisite amount of suffering time. Instantaneous death means instantaneous disqualification as per Rule 27.1 Section 7B Death with Lack of Suffering. Had he used a lower caliber bullet in a much smaller gun and not blown his head entirely off he would have been "OK". A minimum of 10 seconds of screaming in horrible pain is mandatory to be deemed adequate minimum suffering.
That's what Stravinsky and Efram argued. After much deliberation is was determined that the knowledge of his own forthcoming death was suffering beyond any other suffering experienced that day and therefore his victory stood.
As always Auslander delivers another dark humor masterpiece, but I know I could compete in this suffering contest he describes. Just today I forced myself to read the NYT and then, deliberately logged into X (Twitter)and finally watched our government in action on CSPAN. If all that isn’t self-inflicted suffering then I don’t know what is...
Thanks. And of course, so right. And I recalled that, tho way over- 50 years later! She was Sagittarius ♐️ - wonderful in so many ways. Frank to a fault; grateful tho wary of her 1st born son’s 1st & only love, I imagine. And replaced by my daughter- a double Sag. Lol. 😆!
[There are so many ways to understand people through listening; reading; thinking; reflecting!! And the humor too. I also loved: “vey iz meer,” - so telling. I’m quite sure she & others thought THAT, when I became pregnant (we had on purpose) with our 3rd (a son)! It went back to a time when women didn’t have a say; let alone control…
Brutally funny. The first time he slammed his hand in the steel door, my empathetic stomach actually clenched. You are so twisted, Shalom. In a nice, maniacal sort of way.
I’ve never read much sci-fi-that came to mind first; & for many years, didn’t read anything - not related to “necessary.” Was wondering if I could even get through it all... though as others, thought- at one point: “brilliant,”; funny; ok 👍 & did finish. [Short enough; not like Wally Lamb - (she’s come undone), etc.]
The best party for me is- thought-provoking! 🤔 Immediate & days later something will make me think of what he wrote & how uncanny... ;).
Would love to ironic car commercials. “I hate Subarus because they’re just so safe and comfortable. Not at all like the gas-guzzling heap of junk that I drive.”
Competitive suffering: An imaginative piece that grabbed me totally and had me suffering to the end.
One can only wonder at the human mind and the influence on it of humanity's actions and interactions, that such can trigger such creation.
Mark Twain said that truth is stranger than fiction. Perhaps fiction reflects or elucidates the boundaries between the two, for to me, this story seems a metaphor for what humanity is doing to itself and its world, right now.
Take care. Stay safe. ☮️ .... and be wary of the truth you've not yet met
FP was the main draw for me; then your name (WT_?!); the hair- like mine- when done properly, but the eternal gratitude (just reminding), hit pay dirt!!! 😂
What I love so much about this piece (and all your others, really) is how you wrap pointed social commentary is a hilarious, enjoyable package. I was laughing while also critically thinking. Bravo.
But surely after Henry blew his head off the Suffering Organization Ruling Committee would have thrown a red flag and overturned the judges decision. Suffering, after all, requires a requisite amount of suffering time. Instantaneous death means instantaneous disqualification as per Rule 27.1 Section 7B Death with Lack of Suffering. Had he used a lower caliber bullet in a much smaller gun and not blown his head entirely off he would have been "OK". A minimum of 10 seconds of screaming in horrible pain is mandatory to be deemed adequate minimum suffering.
That's what Stravinsky and Efram argued. After much deliberation is was determined that the knowledge of his own forthcoming death was suffering beyond any other suffering experienced that day and therefore his victory stood.
…and I suppose the ultimate suffering would be to die, only to be disqualified.
Good one!
As always Auslander delivers another dark humor masterpiece, but I know I could compete in this suffering contest he describes. Just today I forced myself to read the NYT and then, deliberately logged into X (Twitter)and finally watched our government in action on CSPAN. If all that isn’t self-inflicted suffering then I don’t know what is...
At least Shank did it for trophies - you're just sick.
Hahaha. 😂
You call that suffering? Amateur!
That is a 29.999999 bravo
exacly !
Spare yourself. Unless you can do... Enjoy nature. Read - lol 😝 yeah. That’ll do it!!
Sounds like my family reunions. Everyone trying to one-up their relatives with how bad their life is. “Oh but I’m coping just fine”
😂
Just married, @ a few months past 21; my spouse had to work out of town a week [aww poor me... ]- damn-right?!
But NO! My mother-in-law excluded (exclaimed: me as not worthy to miss him) - think of the women whose men went off to war!!!
Of course there’s ALWAYS someone worse off than you so suck it up. (Heavy sarcasm)
Sounds like she was belittling you with such a dramatic response. Crazy.
Mothers-in-law seem to excel in this. 😕
Thanks. And of course, so right. And I recalled that, tho way over- 50 years later! She was Sagittarius ♐️ - wonderful in so many ways. Frank to a fault; grateful tho wary of her 1st born son’s 1st & only love, I imagine. And replaced by my daughter- a double Sag. Lol. 😆!
[There are so many ways to understand people through listening; reading; thinking; reflecting!! And the humor too. I also loved: “vey iz meer,” - so telling. I’m quite sure she & others thought THAT, when I became pregnant (we had on purpose) with our 3rd (a son)! It went back to a time when women didn’t have a say; let alone control…
Brutally funny. The first time he slammed his hand in the steel door, my empathetic stomach actually clenched. You are so twisted, Shalom. In a nice, maniacal sort of way.
“Twisted in a nice, maniacal sort of way” is my new favorite compliment.
I prefer the purity of amateur suffering.
It's much more fun watching college students suffer.
Your son will be there in the blink of an eye... do men care that their children suffer?
The absence of money does add a healthy dose of default suffering.
What an amazing, brilliant and hysterical read. You won’t suffer through it!
I’ve never read much sci-fi-that came to mind first; & for many years, didn’t read anything - not related to “necessary.” Was wondering if I could even get through it all... though as others, thought- at one point: “brilliant,”; funny; ok 👍 & did finish. [Short enough; not like Wally Lamb - (she’s come undone), etc.]
The best party for me is- thought-provoking! 🤔 Immediate & days later something will make me think of what he wrote & how uncanny... ;).
I'm enjoying thinking about what products elite sufferers would endorse. Panadol? Health insurance?
Cedar-Sinai.
Would love to ironic car commercials. “I hate Subarus because they’re just so safe and comfortable. Not at all like the gas-guzzling heap of junk that I drive.”
The all-new Subaru minus airbags and other safety features--enhance your suffering!
Marketing?! 😝
An insurance company
Depends. . .
Proving once again there is no essay you can write that won’t make me snort.
I can't wait for this to be an official Olympic event one day.
dont be greedy.. aint yer fedral elecrocrewshuns ennuf growtest enertaintment for yall ?
Oye Veh
Competitive suffering: An imaginative piece that grabbed me totally and had me suffering to the end.
One can only wonder at the human mind and the influence on it of humanity's actions and interactions, that such can trigger such creation.
Mark Twain said that truth is stranger than fiction. Perhaps fiction reflects or elucidates the boundaries between the two, for to me, this story seems a metaphor for what humanity is doing to itself and its world, right now.
Take care. Stay safe. ☮️ .... and be wary of the truth you've not yet met
¢borc
A wonderfully perverted flip on the head of "And then they came for me" in our Age of Narcissism.
Jesus Christ.
amen....
Brilliant 💥 As are the comments, thank you community-in-The-Fetal-Position!
People in the fetal position are the best people of all.
FP was the main draw for me; then your name (WT_?!); the hair- like mine- when done properly, but the eternal gratitude (just reminding), hit pay dirt!!! 😂
Brilliant! Also disturbing, but brilliant.
The devil is into the details again.
What I love so much about this piece (and all your others, really) is how you wrap pointed social commentary is a hilarious, enjoyable package. I was laughing while also critically thinking. Bravo.