I am an old ( very old) woman, Shalom, and no longer light of heart, but you make me howl in delight, to the point of tears. This post hits the mark utterly. I can easily see how the jpg can be read as "...a satiric poem... meant to underline the madness of a world." Of course that makes more sense, but my cloudy old head would have missed that punch entirely. Thank you.
Yeah. Freeq. That underpants thing. Some days I can't find my keys. Other days I find my keys, but do not know what they are. Winning - is all relative.
...these are two of my most hated words, "winner" and 'loser"
I come from a very different culture, so of course it's also some mental gap, language thing, whatever
but I hate them with the hatred of thousand suns
(poor Conrad though, I feel for him. Every time somebody has a name he starts being too alive and I start feeling for him. That usually ends bad for me)
I know this will be upsetting, Shalom, but you are "winning" at Substack. You just have to eat it. I laugh so hard at your precise, bloody dissection of the culture.
The sperm-race-winner thing has been debunked! Hundreds if not thousands reach the egg, jostle around it trying to penetrate, and the egg membrane somehow samples some chemical component of each one and *chooses* which one is allowed to enter.
Yay so its girl-power after all. Then I like to believe sometimes an Egg wisely surveys the onrushing hopefuls and says "Hey you, the funny one with the jokes who is so lousy at running, I want you." And Mr Fasty-Fastpants loses the race.
As a Brit, I fear the headwinds that blow through the American psyche, because they always come ashore here soon afterwards. You guys more or less designed the importance of everything being 'for the win', and worked hard to concoct freaks of grammar like the word 'winningest'. Now social media is chock-full of cod nostrums for Permanent Victory Over My Sad Mediocrity like the meretricious post you cite. If the UK had Appalachians, I'd be looking for safety and isolation in them. (Next time, might you export your geography instead?)
There are a few parts of the North-West Highlands, the southern region of Harris in the Western Isles, or some of the smaller Shetland islands with an Appalachian quality.
You did it again! Here in a library study room reserved for 2 hrs of homeschool winning, I read your sperm race piece to our soon-to-be 12 year old recent Hebrew School graduate. A year ago you put her off Haredi boys with a math lesson. Now she's laughing and shaking her GRE reading comprehension exercise at me. THAT guy is REALLY funny, she says. As if I'm not...
a man after my own heart, finally. of course you are way too young and i, way too old. perhaps another lifetime. we undoubtedly slaved whilst making fun of the pharoahs. ha!
WTF indeed. My own list of 3 reads - For today I will do my best to win at: Remembering to Breathe, Managing to Relax, Holding my Nerve. If I get those right then like you, I go in for a bit of Dropping too. If I have energy left over.
It's not about "winning." It's about not losing. I have played poker professionally and I have a saying, "When somebody wins, it means somebody else lost."
Steely Dan, "They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose."
Remember, Donald J. Trump is a winner. Is that who you aspire to be?
I am an old ( very old) woman, Shalom, and no longer light of heart, but you make me howl in delight, to the point of tears. This post hits the mark utterly. I can easily see how the jpg can be read as "...a satiric poem... meant to underline the madness of a world." Of course that makes more sense, but my cloudy old head would have missed that punch entirely. Thank you.
Let's both keep howling.
Out of bed and dressed, remembering underpants go on the inside…some days that’s the win.
Fuck them and their lofty ideals.
Winning. Pah! And Ptooey!
Yeah. Freeq. That underpants thing. Some days I can't find my keys. Other days I find my keys, but do not know what they are. Winning - is all relative.
Who says you have to wear underpants?
TMI, Kristin! ha ha ha
Crap! Keys! Knew I forgot something!
Thanks Sharron. 👍🏻
...these are two of my most hated words, "winner" and 'loser"
I come from a very different culture, so of course it's also some mental gap, language thing, whatever
but I hate them with the hatred of thousand suns
(poor Conrad though, I feel for him. Every time somebody has a name he starts being too alive and I start feeling for him. That usually ends bad for me)
I know this will be upsetting, Shalom, but you are "winning" at Substack. You just have to eat it. I laugh so hard at your precise, bloody dissection of the culture.
So true. You win, Shalom! Dammit
The sperm-race-winner thing has been debunked! Hundreds if not thousands reach the egg, jostle around it trying to penetrate, and the egg membrane somehow samples some chemical component of each one and *chooses* which one is allowed to enter.
HUZZAH.
I'm not sure that's better, Elisa - sounds a bit Judeo-Chosen to me.
Regardless, I've seen the videos of sperm hauling ass to get to the egg - if it's not a race, nobody told them.
The sperm actually go in random directions. The videos are close-ups, and thus only show the sperm who happened to head towards the egg.
The sperm come from a man, and therefore do not ask for directions and only arrive where they should be going by accident.
I'm pretty sure I was the sperm going the other way, trying to get the hell out of here.
Either way, this has ruined porn for me.
Yay so its girl-power after all. Then I like to believe sometimes an Egg wisely surveys the onrushing hopefuls and says "Hey you, the funny one with the jokes who is so lousy at running, I want you." And Mr Fasty-Fastpants loses the race.
Love it!! Yes it’s the female who chooses!!
Love this!
Reading is a win, but only if you take a picture of yourself doing it.
Well, only if you post a picture of yourself reading on social media.
Actually, only if people respond positively to posting a picture you took of yourself reading.
As a Brit, I fear the headwinds that blow through the American psyche, because they always come ashore here soon afterwards. You guys more or less designed the importance of everything being 'for the win', and worked hard to concoct freaks of grammar like the word 'winningest'. Now social media is chock-full of cod nostrums for Permanent Victory Over My Sad Mediocrity like the meretricious post you cite. If the UK had Appalachians, I'd be looking for safety and isolation in them. (Next time, might you export your geography instead?)
There are a few parts of the North-West Highlands, the southern region of Harris in the Western Isles, or some of the smaller Shetland islands with an Appalachian quality.
So long as they don't mind people who aren't always successful in their endeavours.
They'd prefer it that way...
There are yoga contests. People enter them. I saw a picture.
"I'm so much more humble than you."
You vin with the vriting !
And the vit, oh, the vit !
You did it again! Here in a library study room reserved for 2 hrs of homeschool winning, I read your sperm race piece to our soon-to-be 12 year old recent Hebrew School graduate. A year ago you put her off Haredi boys with a math lesson. Now she's laughing and shaking her GRE reading comprehension exercise at me. THAT guy is REALLY funny, she says. As if I'm not...
a man after my own heart, finally. of course you are way too young and i, way too old. perhaps another lifetime. we undoubtedly slaved whilst making fun of the pharoahs. ha!
Relieved that doing Kegels is not necessary for a win.
Hand...so...heavy...must...hit...like...button...for..the...win.
Damn...missed.
Must try again...tomorrow.
What's the rush? Maybe instead just embrace the loss.
WTF indeed. My own list of 3 reads - For today I will do my best to win at: Remembering to Breathe, Managing to Relax, Holding my Nerve. If I get those right then like you, I go in for a bit of Dropping too. If I have energy left over.
Pushing Over is good, too, and you don't do the Lifting bit.
Oh yes. For sure.
In my professional area of fitness, there now exist Breathing Coaches.
I am fairly sure that anyone reading this has learned this skill somewhere along the way, somehow.
It's not about "winning." It's about not losing. I have played poker professionally and I have a saying, "When somebody wins, it means somebody else lost."
Steely Dan, "They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose."
Remember, Donald J. Trump is a winner. Is that who you aspire to be?
This is the best thing I have read all week. 😂💣