62 Comments

Fricking brilliant, and a lot deeper than it looks.

Your conclusion, that everyone *could* be awesome, yeah that's it.

My parents were generally cynical. "We're disappointed idealists," they said. I grew up a cynical kid, then when life had its evil way with me, I went from angry to bitter to bottomed out — to what, at 40, I called a worldview of "informed altruism." While I was an informed altruist, I literally felt my head glowing like a lightbulb, people stopped me on the street to tell me I was beautiful, and in retrospect I think I might have been certifiable. When I got better, I came to the conclusion that we make a million decisions every day, we can be our worst selves or our best selves, and those decisions accumulate, but at any moment, for the most part, we do have choices. And how we choose is who we are. In the past few years, a lot of people have decided to let their asshole flag fly and it has not been good for society or people's sanity.

So yeah, we *could* be awesome. We just have to want to be enough not to choose, a million times a day, not to be our worst selves.

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author

Steven Pinker never got more hate than when he dared to suggest that maybe we don't suck.

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Both my sons are big Lego fans, one 21, the other 16. The variety of sets one can get from Lego now is mind blowing compared to what we had as kids (Gen X here). You can put a different head on a different body, too. Kids (and adults) do whatever the fuck they feel like doing once they get a set. That Luke Skywalker head on the Princess Leia body? Yes! You can even put animal heads on people bodies and vice versa. You can even on some sets put a character head on a castle wall, just like they did to some criminals, traitors or whomever the king disliked. Oh no, violence!

Kids color pictures of rainbows because rainbows are fucking incredible when you are a kid. Young kids will color using the wrong crayon or marker for a skin color. They will make pictures of stick figure men or women holding hands, they don't care they just see love and friendship. I mean, are kids promoting an agenda?! These people who complain over every little thing with kids toys need to touch grass and do some Lego without any instructions. Make whatever you want. Imagination should not be crushed by adult whining. All I see now are people shaking their fists at rainbows yelling "Stupid woke nature!"

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Love and friendship forever!

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founding

Hahaha. 😝

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Mar 3Liked by Shalom Auslander

Literally wrote about this very thing this week. It is exhausting and demoralizing dealing with constant internet rage. And you made me laugh out loud again. Statler haha. Forgot about that bastard.

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Very funny :) I own this set and have bought it as a gift for a couple of people too -- I know one person who mixed up all the colors of the minifigs -- legs torsos head and hair all come apart easily (and with a little extra pressure you can snap off and switch their arms too) turning it into a really fun unique and "diverse" set!!

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I think one Minifig stealing another Minifig's head falls under "cultural appropriation."

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Dear Shalom, if you have bought a single Statler figure and set it nearby then you are clearly not Statler. You are Waldorf.

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Fuck. I was going for Gonzo.

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This was so funny. A brilliant analogy of life.

Whenever a business, person, restaurant… has a crappy review out of 1000 five stars I always look at that persons history. Not ironically they complain about everything.

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Some folks—especially freed by the internet— live to complain. I don’t think many who go along with that recognize how much complaint adds to the level of everyday cruelty.

I try to fight believing in a definition of humanity that says: human beings are a species of social animal the members of which cannot get along, in groups large or small, with each other.

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They say never read the comments but that's where I want to live. When I travel, I love reading reviews of churches in particular. Gold.

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"No God. Stale wafers. 1 star."

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Everyone is terrible in so many ways, and awesome. It's so hard to keep this in my head at one time. Great piece 🙏🏻 (Rainbows are pretty unambiguously associated with LGBTQ+ communities here in the UK - it's a visual short cut.) (I'm sure Legos motivations were mostly corporate/capitalist but I like to imagine that they had some spark of compassionate inclusivity in there too??....)

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This was hilarious. Perhaps a regular series on Amazon reviews should be in order. The Hutzler banana slicer would be a good place to start.

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I'd like to. I'm curious to see how many I can write before having to reading Amazon comments makes me want to kill myself.

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I accidentally ended up with two of these sets - love them - todays rejoicing post will be lgbtqia+ themed one when I create it so including a pic of the set made up :) I love the discovery of the grumpy muppets guy - don’t love the discovery of the homophobic, racist etc comments but alas not surprised.

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Oy. Poor little Lego figurines getting so misjudged. Wonder what they are whispering to each other in their boxes in the store-room at Amazon. "Hmmm wonder if there is anyone out there who will get it and buy us?" says the blue one. "Give them another fifty years to grow into the idea, then maybe." says the purple one. "Well at least Mr Auslander got it, whew!" says the black one.

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the title alone is enough. perfect

and thank you for the chuckle. i am ill and it is perfect medicine

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Morons are idiots and idiots are morons.

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author

And they both tend to be assholes.

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Tend???? They’re definitely assholes.

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Nice demonstration of how Marxist demoralization is working well in America. We are too far gone. Sorry Shalom, but before it is over we will all be crouched in the fetal position, except for our Overlords.

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I agree with you - never read the reviews. Rule of Three conducted its own research last year on reviewers - enjoy. . .

https://ruleofthree.substack.com/p/reviewing-the-reviewers?utm_source=%2Fsearch%2Freviewers&utm_medium=reader2

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