Sir, you and I are of a kind, it seems. Was writing a letter of explanation to a friend about the exact same petitions under the title: a tale of two petitions. And now I don't have to so thank you. Salutations, man.
“I, [the undersigned] hereby sign the fuck out of whatever fucking petition Auslander wants me to fucking sign so that he can fucking sign some other fucking petition.” Will that do?
I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment. We metamodernists all know that petitioning no longer has any real cachet vis a vis “career advancement”.
What you really want to do is bust a catchy new dance move on Ticktock and get all your fancy schmancy writer friends to watch it!!!
We the undersigned do hereby demand that Shalom Auslander be sent all future petitions so as to not miss out again on an opportunity for career advancement. And not some bullshit local petition about adding crosswalks or putting a stop light at 4th and Main, either – something thorny, something complex. Knowledge of the issue not required, nor any genuine concern. And we don’t want him to be at the bottom of the list, either, where nobody ever gets to - we want him at the top. Thank you. -- Joyce Wadler
I am a Lebanese who yesterday woke up terrified in fetal position at 4 AM from the sound of an Israeli airstrike 500 meters near, trying to calm down my more terrified wife who has over these couple of months developed the bad habit of cursing Mr Netanyahu and Party of God alike. What I wanted to say is that against all odds I too sign the above mentioned petition in fetal position. Sincerely yours.
So if I start a petition against aliens illegally landing their UFOs on American land, you'll sign it? This had to be stopped until we know if their spacecraft use sustainable fuels.
The invisible mandate that everyone must have an opinion on everything is so hard! People I like keep opining and I'm forced to share in kind, but what if I'm not even considering the question... Blasphemy!
Just FYI— without going into which petition I’d sign, note that Rooney signed the boycott petition (fine). But then I saw her English language novel being sold in Israel. What’s that about…😡
Haven’t seen any Rachel Kushner activity in Tel Aviv though. Did I miss another petition. Plus who knows how many of their novels (and others ) are being downloaded IN TEL AVIV onto Kindles. Can you start a Kindle petition ?
Funny - the original post was going to be about "No I Didn't Hear the News About the Thing You're About to Tell Me About," concerning how regardless of how much I blackout the news, someone always tells me something news-y and ruins it. Like the petition thing. But this seemed funnier. For now.
One of the things I appreciate most about you, Shalom, is that you're willing to set yourself apart from the crowd. Petitions are a waste of time anyway.
Sir, you and I are of a kind, it seems. Was writing a letter of explanation to a friend about the exact same petitions under the title: a tale of two petitions. And now I don't have to so thank you. Salutations, man.
Rats. I'm at the bottom of the "likes" . Still a nobody.
“I, [the undersigned] hereby sign the fuck out of whatever fucking petition Auslander wants me to fucking sign so that he can fucking sign some other fucking petition.” Will that do?
Lawyer says that'll work
What the Biscuiteer said. I'm in, too.
I love this, you make me laugh so much about topics that could go in the direction of bitterness.
My daily struggle, yes.
Truly this made me happier than anything I’ve read in a long time. And I actually signed one of these.
Ha! And if peace suddenly breaks out, we know who to thank.
I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment. We metamodernists all know that petitioning no longer has any real cachet vis a vis “career advancement”.
What you really want to do is bust a catchy new dance move on Ticktock and get all your fancy schmancy writer friends to watch it!!!
Fuck the Times 🕺🚀💃
Have you seen my petition to restore the cache of petition signing?
We the undersigned do hereby demand that Shalom Auslander be sent all future petitions so as to not miss out again on an opportunity for career advancement. And not some bullshit local petition about adding crosswalks or putting a stop light at 4th and Main, either – something thorny, something complex. Knowledge of the issue not required, nor any genuine concern. And we don’t want him to be at the bottom of the list, either, where nobody ever gets to - we want him at the top. Thank you. -- Joyce Wadler
Add my name, please, to the petition and to “like” Joyce’s comment.
I am a Lebanese who yesterday woke up terrified in fetal position at 4 AM from the sound of an Israeli airstrike 500 meters near, trying to calm down my more terrified wife who has over these couple of months developed the bad habit of cursing Mr Netanyahu and Party of God alike. What I wanted to say is that against all odds I too sign the above mentioned petition in fetal position. Sincerely yours.
I say this with all sincerity: oy.
I curse them both with you.
Stay safe.
Brilliant satire
Satire?
More satire...more cowbell...
So if I start a petition against aliens illegally landing their UFOs on American land, you'll sign it? This had to be stopped until we know if their spacecraft use sustainable fuels.
When they land in California they do, yes.
“Knowledge of the issue not required” You got that right!
The invisible mandate that everyone must have an opinion on everything is so hard! People I like keep opining and I'm forced to share in kind, but what if I'm not even considering the question... Blasphemy!
Just FYI— without going into which petition I’d sign, note that Rooney signed the boycott petition (fine). But then I saw her English language novel being sold in Israel. What’s that about…😡
That's because she also signed the petition to ignore the previous petition. You're a few petitions back in the story.
Haven’t seen any Rachel Kushner activity in Tel Aviv though. Did I miss another petition. Plus who knows how many of their novels (and others ) are being downloaded IN TEL AVIV onto Kindles. Can you start a Kindle petition ?
...well...seems like somebody is violating that news boycott...
Funny - the original post was going to be about "No I Didn't Hear the News About the Thing You're About to Tell Me About," concerning how regardless of how much I blackout the news, someone always tells me something news-y and ruins it. Like the petition thing. But this seemed funnier. For now.
Funny should rule here.
🐑🐏🐑🐏🐑🐏🐑🐏 :🖕: 🐑🐏🐑🐏🐑🐏🐑🐏
One of the things I appreciate most about you, Shalom, is that you're willing to set yourself apart from the crowd. Petitions are a waste of time anyway.
Wrap them up with chain letters... and don't forget: eternal damnation to you if you don't comply!