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Karl and Groucho are the opposite ends of the Great Happiness Continuum, with Karl on the far left side (see what I did there?) and Groucho on the comfortable center right side.

Karl’s greatest contribution to humanity was on March 14th,1883, when he died. Due to his infamous personal hygiene during his lifetime, it is said that he smelled better after March 14. His life work resulted in the deaths of more than 160 million people, including two daughters and a son-in-law who committed suicide by taking arsenic, probably to get away from Karl.

Groucho’s greatest contribution to humanity was every time he said something. He smelled like cigar smoke, which many people enjoy. His life work resulted in at least 160 million people almost laughing themselves to death. They were all happy and did not need arsenic.

I prefer the Grouch side of the continuum. Even with all the cigar smoke, it smells better there.

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Nov 19, 2023Liked by Shalom Auslander

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

—Groucho Marx

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He saw "Transparent: The Musical?"

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You nailed it! The daily headline emails I receive from WaPo and NYTimes are the reason I refuse to resubscribe. They're doomsday chaos agents.

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What's interesting to me with this particular post is the annoyance some express to the merest suggestion that there might possibly be something maybe somewhere at the bottom of the shit barrel that you can find to laugh at.

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CNN Headlines are written by Schopenhauer. I knew it! I'm glad it's not just me. Pessimism sells, apparently.

I love the "WWGD". I'm surprised that never occurred to me.

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My next tat.

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This is why I love Shalom and always will.

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LAST WORDS Groucho Marx spent two months in the hospital before dying of pneumonia. According to probably false accounts, his last words were, "This is no way to live!" or, "Die, why that's the last thing I'll do." In his final years, besides suffering from poor health, he suffered elder abuse by his mentally ill girlfriend. So I doubt that he was laughing at the end. However, Hugh Downs' last words after hearing his great-granddaughter's joke, "What did one eye say to the other? Just between us, something smells": "That's funny!" (So relates his daughter in "Is he dead?" DeeDee D, Substack, 7-1-23.)

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Nov 19, 2023·edited Nov 19, 2023Author

That's true, Ariel, but that someone dies in agony doesn't negate the philosophy with which he went through life. But much more important to me is that the nose joke is lame, and so my guess/hope is that Downs was on some serious fucking drugs if he found it funny.

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Admit that you laughed! I laughed. My mother told me only one joke in her lifetime: A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar . . . . And . . . it was hysterically funny but respectful of all three religions.

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Priest to Voltaire as he laid on his deathbed: "At last do you renounce Satan?"

Voltaire to priest: "Now is no time to be making enemies."

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While searching for Mother's gem online, I came across this: A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into bar. The bartender says, "What, is this a joke?"

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They acknowledge that it is, and so all three are arrested.

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What crime are they charged with?

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Auslander I know you only a few months and it’s like you’ve crawled into my brain and are deciphering my thoughts Worlds and cultures apart and yet so in sync in thought ... and I’m not sure how I came across your blog but maybe the collectiveness organised it ..

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Today I was trying, unsuccessfully,to make sense out of the world gone mad as if there were a solution. Humanity is increasingly less humane and more inanely sub-human as we watch the destruction of people in horse drawn carts fleeing certain death and destruction. Why? Because some mo-fo hates people and loves money???

The point is I suppose, that those people who aren’t buying cars and designer clothing (and are fleeing for their very lives) have no place in this world’s economic future and just have to drive their donkey-drawn carts elsewhere. Again. And again. Further. And as a Native American/Irish mutt? I feel as if I’m living a past nightmare; is this what my elders felt when they were displaced? In my mind it is; the pain and loss are excruciating to these fellow humans and I can’t help feeling that pain.

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And this is what my own elders felt when they were driven to Israel from Syria, Iraq, Iran, Yemen, and Egypt,; countries they had escaped to when they were driven from Israel hundreds of years before.

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founding

… but as for me, I am a Shalomist …

You got the torch now

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So I unintentionally found the funny...

The address at the bottom of the page 😆 Thanks for the chuckle 😆

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I don't need to look far, I noted, I've got your newsletter in my email lol

PS the folks that you asked not to tell you the news, in your other post, I see they continue to, still? that's lotsa headlines

(I collect funny quotes from Internet, or funny sayings, or even funny bunters.

I squirelled one in my email, can't find it now, but it prompted me to do a funny thing on a friend' forum of sorts.

In a way, it led to some mudslide and now some people don't speak to some other people anymore, and i'm smoking weed all by myself. and it's even weed that's not "funny" weed. )

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I miss "funny" weed. It's so strong now that it's legal, it just makes me an anxious wreck.

Or maybe I'm just an old fuck.

Or both.

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I am not laughing though

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I'm sorry to hear that, Sheila. I'm not suggesting war is funny, but that ultimately, if you look, Life can be. Anyway, maybe this will help:

An old couple goes to the doctor. The wife has been having some issues. At long last, the doctor comes back into the exam room.

"Well," he says, "it's either AIDS or Alzheimers."

(Neither of which, Sheila, we know is funny)

The old man is shocked.

"AIDS or Alzheimers? What should I do?"

"It's simple," says the doctor. "Put her in the car, drive her out of town and leave her by the side of the road. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

Did that help?

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Cracked me up. Thanks!

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Ha! “Why are Depression Rates on the Rise?” Good one.

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RemovedNov 19, 2023Liked by Shalom Auslander
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In my mid-teens, I had a huge crush on Harpo. Thanks for reminding me

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I'm pretty sure that was sarcasm, so by all means, feel worse if you want to.

If I read that wrong, my apologies.

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