271 Comments

Please for all that is unholy in this world, for the love of all that is not sacred in this life, please stay the course. I mean, I love everything that you write, and ultimately the choice is yours. I’m sure that you could write on any absurd topic, and I’d still enjoy reading. But I just thought that I’d try to encourage you to keep on writing the way that you write, because your writing is undeniably brilliant and hilarious. The #1 reason I started reading Substack is because I could not stomach the news anymore. In 2023 I used to open the news page on my phone and I’d feel physically sick to the point of nausea (I’m an anxious person.) Reading your substack is like finding a green garden sanctuary away from the postmodern madness of the 24/7 news feed. Your writing makes me laugh, and it decreases the chances that I’ll start screaming incoherently at my phone screen like I’ve lost it. In this day and age, that’s no small thing. Thank you for making the world a little less scary, less batshit, smarter, and more funny with your excellent writing.

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I'm going to read this aloud, record it and make it my ringtone. Thanks, Jessica.

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I reject your metaphor. (Maybe not all of them- just got here...randomly browsing, again...)

That said, I admire the principled stance. If you decide on it.

My sexual tastes are vanilla. (Is anal still not-vanilla? Yes, at least as far as I'm concerned.) I'm easily entertained, I suppose. And hopefully also still sufficiently entertaining.

But my politics are both public and polymorphous, and some insist that they're perverse. If I thought so, I wouldn't be making a spectacle of myself here.

[Stick that in your poli "sci" information stovepipe, GPT4o. Unless, of course, it doesn't fit.]

Some of us do political writing for free. For the fun of it. We like it. We think it's groovy.

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All of this 🙌🙌

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If you want a humor Substack that avoids politics checkout mine!

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reading ana on substack of all places took me out for a loop lol that's not the kinda crowd I expected to live here

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I agree completely with Jessica. I see the incentve out there to weigh in and get those subs and restacks, etc. It's just - I hate it. It's bad for me. Keep doing this. Stay away from anal.

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A little behind with my puns, butt…

Nice anal-ogy!!!

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May 18Liked by Shalom Auslander

Maybe just the tip?

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LOL LOL LOL

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I like it. "Today in the Middle East... ah, never mind."

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May 18Liked by Shalom Auslander

Honestly, I almost cancelled my subscription when you recently discussed politics. I subscribe to you to be entertained and to laugh. Matt Taibbi is actually pretty funny too. And, he discusses short stories. Make us laugh, don't make us outraged

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For what it’s worth, your humor is the sparkling jewel that I look forward to every time it shows up in Substack. Your writing brings me joy! And I hope it does for you, too. Keep doing the writing you like.

There’s enough people doing anal already. No need to pile-on, or pile in, or whatever an anal gang-bang is called by the kids nowadays.

P.S. Regards politics - one thing to keep in mind about politics is, as my dad put it, it’s better than the alternative system where people shove sharp, pointy sticks into each other until the last one standing makes the rules. I try to remember that when I see one bloviating with particular zest and spittle.

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One of my favorite quotes, from Charlie Chaplin: "I am only one thing: a clown. That puts me on a higher plane than any politician."

And he said that, in person, to Congress.

What a fucking God.

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I sported a Chaplin mustache for 6 loooooong months, which everyone took to be an homage to Hitler. Amazing how strong a reaction ro one square inch of facial hair can be!

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It's worth reading Orwell's review of Chaplin's "Great Dictator." He loathes the movie for it's sentimentality, but concludes by saying it's worth watching just because this funny Jewish guy looks so much like Hitler it's some sort of proof of a decent universe.

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It’s a perfect metaphor that explains the writer’s dilemma. I don’t know if you should do anal, and I’m not sure if I should either. What I do know is that as a reader I’d rather not see someone do anal who isn’t into it, but also I REALLY don’t want to see anything from the anal aficionados.

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This is a catchy title but not as much as “Bari Weiss and Matt Taibbi Only Do Anal”

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I saw that video, didn't wanna reuse the title.

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That is a huge struggle for me (not anal but “anal” in your metaphor). The temptation to get the likes, the restacks, the subscribers is real. It’s how the majority of Substackers define success.

But I just can’t. I write and podcast to put some positivity out there, some joy, and some love. There’s enough anger, rage, and hatred to fill an ocean. I simply want to fill a teacup with grace and charity.

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Make it a Grande.

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May 18Liked by Shalom Auslander

And yet, your recent note about unsubscribing from all the dem fundraiser emails and switching to the GOP ones made my day. Maybe it’s okay in small, homeopathic doses? Someone already said just the tip, so I won’t borrow that analogy. You do you.

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Not doing political no matter how much it's lubed up with humor. Not writing it either. No, thanks....

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May 19·edited Jun 2Liked by Shalom Auslander

We're all doing anal, bro. Most of us aren't writing anal, we're just in the corner by ourselves crying after trying to get some goddamn groceries.

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May 18Liked by Shalom Auslander

I guess many of us are now pondering — hmmm, was I doing anal when I was working for...? or when... Oh, Jesus, I think I did.

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Just woke up, red your story and got a good giggle ..what better way to start a morning?..thanks for this Shalom. Ten years ago I moved away from Israel and came back to my cultural heritage here in Hungary. Like the rest of the world, both places are saturated with political news and unlike anal inescapable. Interestingly, I just wrote about hope in Hungarian politics but Substack refused to post it and I had to struggle with the non existing support. As an artist I despise politics precisely because it feels like the news agencies use it to attract attention using anal porn that I am sure has a higher attention than the regular sex.

I am sure it does because I couldn’t resist the clickbait title of your post.

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Being a-political myself I would much rather you wrote anal erotica than anything politics. Having said that, I don’t do anal either. So there’s my dilemma.

Be true to you and write whatever the hell you want. We’ll love it.

(Except politics)

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From now on, I'm going to refer to the news as "anal erotica."

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If you go anal, you might have to rebrand. Something catchy like the fecal position.

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My post tomorrow is about immigration. Oh well.

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