Whatever Happened to Good Old-Fashioned Diarrhea?

WARNING:

Users of this cellphone may experience anxiety, depression, gloom, angst, sadness, tension, worry, anguish and malaise. Repeated use will cause repeated use; in short order, you will find yourself terrified of leaving home without it; if you do leave home without it, you will return home in a panic to get it. You will long to at last be free of …