79 Comments

Brilliant!

Btw you have a few typos. Including in this sentence “ Being aware of every asshole on the planet is makes it seem like there are only assholes on this planet, and I don;t see how thinking that helps.”

Typos were not on the list of issues that you do not want to be notified about so I assume you want to hear about it!

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This is perfect. After having elebenty billion people frantically message me to tell me in breathless detail all about the latest mass shooting since I live in Maine (100+ miles away from the events at hand, mind you), I'm at my wit's end with people who think I need to be filled in on every ghastly thing.

We were not meant to know about every ghastly thing that happens everywhere on the planet on a daily basis. Head in sand. Check.

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This rant is SO hilarious, Shalom. I loved it. And I have questions. I myself have never subscribed to any social media, so I am not entirely clear how it works -- is it not possible to just shut down all these avenues of shit and pain by simply unsubscribing from FB, Insta, Twitter, ad infinitum? One of the best things I ever did for myself in this life ( because I do have only one life ) was to throw away my TV four years ago. I have never missed it. No, I do not call it putting my head in the sand. I call it preserving my sanity. I call it paying attention to things locally that I can actually DO something about, instead of being constantly barraged with hopelessness, with hate, fear, horror, futility ... and advertising. I know it is not easy to turn back, but there ARE still options, I think? Just wondering.

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Oct 28, 2023·edited Oct 28, 2023Liked by Shalom Auslander

OMG. You just have to read this Substack piece. Seriously, though. You do.

I hereby join the Ostrich Brigade in solidarity.

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I find a judicious “fuck off” works well.

Stealing this form btw. 🔥

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Biting satire, I applaud. Jonathan Swift would be proud. (Huh? Is that Taylor Swift's father?!)

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You know, I never really stopped and thought about this constant deluge of anger. It plays out like Cronenberg's Videodrome. A constant stream of snuff that we've all normalized to the point of shrugging at each attrocity. I've dumped FB long ago. Quit Twitter. Only follow the soccer (he says as he desperately ignores state sponsored clubs). Switching off feels like the only cure.

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I wondered where you’ve been. I had to finally pry open my reluctant mind and entertain Substack to find you. Please add Pickleball to the list.

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I loved it! But I was a bit confused by the beginning…here in Scandinavia we all share and make porn within our families. We are progressive. Also, I think you slightly mis-spelt the name of our greatest export. Her name is actually Grating Von Thonburg.

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Nov 4, 2023Liked by Shalom Auslander

Just stumbled on your stuff and it didn’t hurt one bit! I actually laughed (too loud for my wife’s ears)as I took off my sock to see if my toes were OK. All is swell, toenail fungus hasn’t got to my heart or head yet.

My wife thinks I should subscribe to your p.o.v. and cancel at least half of my S.S. subscriptions. So here it comes...$40.00....twice my co-pay to a podiatrist. Well, maybe The Readers’ Digest was right about laughter being the best medicine.

And you are the first person on S.S. I’ve heard make reference to Beckett et. al..

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"Reading Thich Naht Hanh"

Well, fuck. 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣 😂 😭 💀

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Oh wow. This. Made. My. Day. Underscored the complexity of daily lived experience.

I read this after listening to one of Gabor Maté’s profoundly amazing talks. Different tones but equally therapeutic and reaffirming that telling someone to “fuck right off” can save your life. Yay. Love it.

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And if you do not read this visually description missive of horror and forward it to a least 10 friends you will succumb to unimaginable intergenerational suffering. 😬

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I smiled - faintly - at your post.

This afternoon was blissfully peaceful for me: somewhere in Spain, in a quiet village, seated on a terrasse facing a beautiful Mediterranean landscape of hills and mountain. Not one human sound, just the birds. I went quietly through some stuff on my laptop. I completely forgot of all the atrocities that are happening right know in other parts of the world.

When I read your post, I was reminded of those, and I felt guilty.

How can life be so unfair that some are living in fear, pain and sorrow, while others can enjoy such peace and security?

I think part of the frantic need to share some horrible news comes from the general guilt of people not having been very directly affected themselves by the horror. They need to show that they care.

And for those who are close to the terror, they need empathy, to bring others to share their distress.

And now I feel bad, shameful of my protected life, my very common mundane sources of stress. I feel ridiculously self-centered. I feel I don’t have a right to enjoy anything while some of my fellow human beings are suffering. I don’t know what to do with myself.

So your anger and dark humor made me smile, but a very faint smile. I wish I could be mad at something but that’s not the case.

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Excellent work, Shalom.

I would suggest from an English perspective that there are a few further categories to add -

Brexit

Net zero by 2050

Scottish independence

Ultra Low Emission Zones

Diversity training

Unconscious bias training

I could go on and on about this but, to be honest, I'm just annoying myself ...

Time for another valium, I think.

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Oddly enough? I sent an open letter to Democratic fundraisers today. Sure, they do their best for their candidates,but I’m suffering from the ennui of proposed fault. My measly $5 won’t help your campaign.Don’t pile on me to pick up anyone’s slack outside my community!

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