Btw you have a few typos. Including in this sentence “ Being aware of every asshole on the planet is makes it seem like there are only assholes on this planet, and I don;t see how thinking that helps.”
Typos were not on the list of issues that you do not want to be notified about so I assume you want to hear about it!
This is perfect. After having elebenty billion people frantically message me to tell me in breathless detail all about the latest mass shooting since I live in Maine (100+ miles away from the events at hand, mind you), I'm at my wit's end with people who think I need to be filled in on every ghastly thing.
We were not meant to know about every ghastly thing that happens everywhere on the planet on a daily basis. Head in sand. Check.
Right???? (And the thing is, I know on some level, they were genuinely concerned, but through all of those messages ran the gleeful joy of a neighborhood gossip savouring the excuse to pass on terrible news.)
This rant is SO hilarious, Shalom. I loved it. And I have questions. I myself have never subscribed to any social media, so I am not entirely clear how it works -- is it not possible to just shut down all these avenues of shit and pain by simply unsubscribing from FB, Insta, Twitter, ad infinitum? One of the best things I ever did for myself in this life ( because I do have only one life ) was to throw away my TV four years ago. I have never missed it. No, I do not call it putting my head in the sand. I call it preserving my sanity. I call it paying attention to things locally that I can actually DO something about, instead of being constantly barraged with hopelessness, with hate, fear, horror, futility ... and advertising. I know it is not easy to turn back, but there ARE still options, I think? Just wondering.
The bastards get through. It's like lice - no matter how clean I keep my house (blokcing, unsubscribing, etc), someone walks in the front door covered with the bastards (email, links, texts.)
But I think a good option is just shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" at them very loudly, in close proximity to their face. Or this PDF.
You are just too funny. LICE! The perfect analogy. I can see that you are just too embroiled, too captured, to make a clean escape. I have it easy, in that I have no smart phone. I can only be liced up through emails and few have the patience for that anymore. Just the way I like it. Keep calm, carry on.
You know, I never really stopped and thought about this constant deluge of anger. It plays out like Cronenberg's Videodrome. A constant stream of snuff that we've all normalized to the point of shrugging at each attrocity. I've dumped FB long ago. Quit Twitter. Only follow the soccer (he says as he desperately ignores state sponsored clubs). Switching off feels like the only cure.
I loved it! But I was a bit confused by the beginning…here in Scandinavia we all share and make porn within our families. We are progressive. Also, I think you slightly mis-spelt the name of our greatest export. Her name is actually Grating Von Thonburg.
Just stumbled on your stuff and it didn’t hurt one bit! I actually laughed (too loud for my wife’s ears)as I took off my sock to see if my toes were OK. All is swell, toenail fungus hasn’t got to my heart or head yet.
My wife thinks I should subscribe to your p.o.v. and cancel at least half of my S.S. subscriptions. So here it comes...$40.00....twice my co-pay to a podiatrist. Well, maybe The Readers’ Digest was right about laughter being the best medicine.
And you are the first person on S.S. I’ve heard make reference to Beckett et. al..
Oh wow. This. Made. My. Day. Underscored the complexity of daily lived experience.
I read this after listening to one of Gabor Maté’s profoundly amazing talks. Different tones but equally therapeutic and reaffirming that telling someone to “fuck right off” can save your life. Yay. Love it.
And if you do not read this visually description missive of horror and forward it to a least 10 friends you will succumb to unimaginable intergenerational suffering. 😬
This afternoon was blissfully peaceful for me: somewhere in Spain, in a quiet village, seated on a terrasse facing a beautiful Mediterranean landscape of hills and mountain. Not one human sound, just the birds. I went quietly through some stuff on my laptop. I completely forgot of all the atrocities that are happening right know in other parts of the world.
When I read your post, I was reminded of those, and I felt guilty.
How can life be so unfair that some are living in fear, pain and sorrow, while others can enjoy such peace and security?
I think part of the frantic need to share some horrible news comes from the general guilt of people not having been very directly affected themselves by the horror. They need to show that they care.
And for those who are close to the terror, they need empathy, to bring others to share their distress.
And now I feel bad, shameful of my protected life, my very common mundane sources of stress. I feel ridiculously self-centered. I feel I don’t have a right to enjoy anything while some of my fellow human beings are suffering. I don’t know what to do with myself.
So your anger and dark humor made me smile, but a very faint smile. I wish I could be mad at something but that’s not the case.
Thanks for your honesty, Sybille. You sound like a terrible person, what with all the landscapes and terraces and birds. I'm sure the Israelis and Gazans would feel much better if they knew you were having a lousy time. One question though: how did MY mother get into YOUR head? Because I know that voice you're hearing - the one that tuts, and sighs and says, "Sybille, how COULD you?" Alas, I'm afraid your self-contempt is for naught. If feeling bad, shameful and guilty could solve the world's problems, I would have solved them, all by myself, years ago. So maybe next time, allow yourself a smile less faint. It sounds like you deserve one.
Oddly enough? I sent an open letter to Democratic fundraisers today. Sure, they do their best for their candidates,but I’m suffering from the ennui of proposed fault. My measly $5 won’t help your campaign.Don’t pile on me to pick up anyone’s slack outside my community!
You know, I agreed with everything you said until I read about not wanting to hear about anti-vaxxers unless they ironically die. You just dehumanised a group of people. No one deserves to die because of their firmly held beliefs, no matter what they are. It’s an indication of the mind virus that has been leashed upon the world. No one is immune.
I don't want to make too big a deal out of this, Joy, honestly - you didn't like a joke, that's fine. And I appreciate where you're coming from, to some degree, so I wouldn't have even responded to this comment. But words go bad, they expire, they rot from overuse. So can we please try saving words like "dehumanise" or "genocide" or "racist" for the times when we really need them? Auschwitz was dehumanising. The Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade was dehumanising. This was a joke on a Substack newsletter.
Here are some other words you can use to describe me and/or my jokes instead:
lazy, easy, cheap, offensive, stupid, lame, boring, dull, ignorant, sloppy, hurtful, dumb, obvious, old, meh, weak, mean, ugly, poor, nasty, unkind, unnecessary, uncool, unhelpful, mediocre, malicious, warped, rude, inconsiderate, stale, callous, narrow-minded, gross, divisive, upsetting and sinful (though fyi, I usually take that last one as a compliment).
Brilliant!
Btw you have a few typos. Including in this sentence “ Being aware of every asshole on the planet is makes it seem like there are only assholes on this planet, and I don;t see how thinking that helps.”
Typos were not on the list of issues that you do not want to be notified about so I assume you want to hear about it!
Thanks, Ari. For the record - if the typos occur in the Middle East, I do not.
Greta Th(u)nb(e)rg.
Hahahaaa
This is perfect. After having elebenty billion people frantically message me to tell me in breathless detail all about the latest mass shooting since I live in Maine (100+ miles away from the events at hand, mind you), I'm at my wit's end with people who think I need to be filled in on every ghastly thing.
We were not meant to know about every ghastly thing that happens everywhere on the planet on a daily basis. Head in sand. Check.
Tell me about it. "Hey, Shalom, you're a Jew! Did you hear what happened to that Jew in that Jewish place???"
Right???? (And the thing is, I know on some level, they were genuinely concerned, but through all of those messages ran the gleeful joy of a neighborhood gossip savouring the excuse to pass on terrible news.)
This rant is SO hilarious, Shalom. I loved it. And I have questions. I myself have never subscribed to any social media, so I am not entirely clear how it works -- is it not possible to just shut down all these avenues of shit and pain by simply unsubscribing from FB, Insta, Twitter, ad infinitum? One of the best things I ever did for myself in this life ( because I do have only one life ) was to throw away my TV four years ago. I have never missed it. No, I do not call it putting my head in the sand. I call it preserving my sanity. I call it paying attention to things locally that I can actually DO something about, instead of being constantly barraged with hopelessness, with hate, fear, horror, futility ... and advertising. I know it is not easy to turn back, but there ARE still options, I think? Just wondering.
The bastards get through. It's like lice - no matter how clean I keep my house (blokcing, unsubscribing, etc), someone walks in the front door covered with the bastards (email, links, texts.)
But I think a good option is just shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" at them very loudly, in close proximity to their face. Or this PDF.
You are just too funny. LICE! The perfect analogy. I can see that you are just too embroiled, too captured, to make a clean escape. I have it easy, in that I have no smart phone. I can only be liced up through emails and few have the patience for that anymore. Just the way I like it. Keep calm, carry on.
OMG. You just have to read this Substack piece. Seriously, though. You do.
I hereby join the Ostrich Brigade in solidarity.
I find a judicious “fuck off” works well.
Stealing this form btw. 🔥
Biting satire, I applaud. Jonathan Swift would be proud. (Huh? Is that Taylor Swift's father?!)
You know, I never really stopped and thought about this constant deluge of anger. It plays out like Cronenberg's Videodrome. A constant stream of snuff that we've all normalized to the point of shrugging at each attrocity. I've dumped FB long ago. Quit Twitter. Only follow the soccer (he says as he desperately ignores state sponsored clubs). Switching off feels like the only cure.
I wondered where you’ve been. I had to finally pry open my reluctant mind and entertain Substack to find you. Please add Pickleball to the list.
I loved it! But I was a bit confused by the beginning…here in Scandinavia we all share and make porn within our families. We are progressive. Also, I think you slightly mis-spelt the name of our greatest export. Her name is actually Grating Von Thonburg.
In Canada we call her Greta Dumberg the female face on the old Mad magazine cover.
Just stumbled on your stuff and it didn’t hurt one bit! I actually laughed (too loud for my wife’s ears)as I took off my sock to see if my toes were OK. All is swell, toenail fungus hasn’t got to my heart or head yet.
My wife thinks I should subscribe to your p.o.v. and cancel at least half of my S.S. subscriptions. So here it comes...$40.00....twice my co-pay to a podiatrist. Well, maybe The Readers’ Digest was right about laughter being the best medicine.
And you are the first person on S.S. I’ve heard make reference to Beckett et. al..
Oh wow. This. Made. My. Day. Underscored the complexity of daily lived experience.
I read this after listening to one of Gabor Maté’s profoundly amazing talks. Different tones but equally therapeutic and reaffirming that telling someone to “fuck right off” can save your life. Yay. Love it.
And if you do not read this visually description missive of horror and forward it to a least 10 friends you will succumb to unimaginable intergenerational suffering. 😬
The blood of __________ is on your hands.
I smiled - faintly - at your post.
This afternoon was blissfully peaceful for me: somewhere in Spain, in a quiet village, seated on a terrasse facing a beautiful Mediterranean landscape of hills and mountain. Not one human sound, just the birds. I went quietly through some stuff on my laptop. I completely forgot of all the atrocities that are happening right know in other parts of the world.
When I read your post, I was reminded of those, and I felt guilty.
How can life be so unfair that some are living in fear, pain and sorrow, while others can enjoy such peace and security?
I think part of the frantic need to share some horrible news comes from the general guilt of people not having been very directly affected themselves by the horror. They need to show that they care.
And for those who are close to the terror, they need empathy, to bring others to share their distress.
And now I feel bad, shameful of my protected life, my very common mundane sources of stress. I feel ridiculously self-centered. I feel I don’t have a right to enjoy anything while some of my fellow human beings are suffering. I don’t know what to do with myself.
So your anger and dark humor made me smile, but a very faint smile. I wish I could be mad at something but that’s not the case.
Thanks for your honesty, Sybille. You sound like a terrible person, what with all the landscapes and terraces and birds. I'm sure the Israelis and Gazans would feel much better if they knew you were having a lousy time. One question though: how did MY mother get into YOUR head? Because I know that voice you're hearing - the one that tuts, and sighs and says, "Sybille, how COULD you?" Alas, I'm afraid your self-contempt is for naught. If feeling bad, shameful and guilty could solve the world's problems, I would have solved them, all by myself, years ago. So maybe next time, allow yourself a smile less faint. It sounds like you deserve one.
What action do you take to display empathy?
I watch the news
...
Deadpan face
Shalom is going to point a gun at me
Now my smile is not faint anymore
:-))))
Excellent work, Shalom.
I would suggest from an English perspective that there are a few further categories to add -
Brexit
Net zero by 2050
Scottish independence
Ultra Low Emission Zones
Diversity training
Unconscious bias training
I could go on and on about this but, to be honest, I'm just annoying myself ...
Time for another valium, I think.
Oddly enough? I sent an open letter to Democratic fundraisers today. Sure, they do their best for their candidates,but I’m suffering from the ennui of proposed fault. My measly $5 won’t help your campaign.Don’t pile on me to pick up anyone’s slack outside my community!
Ugh, they're the worst. "Did you know the planet is dying, crime is up and jobs are down? Send me $5."
Everything counts.
You know, I agreed with everything you said until I read about not wanting to hear about anti-vaxxers unless they ironically die. You just dehumanised a group of people. No one deserves to die because of their firmly held beliefs, no matter what they are. It’s an indication of the mind virus that has been leashed upon the world. No one is immune.
I don't want to make too big a deal out of this, Joy, honestly - you didn't like a joke, that's fine. And I appreciate where you're coming from, to some degree, so I wouldn't have even responded to this comment. But words go bad, they expire, they rot from overuse. So can we please try saving words like "dehumanise" or "genocide" or "racist" for the times when we really need them? Auschwitz was dehumanising. The Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade was dehumanising. This was a joke on a Substack newsletter.
Here are some other words you can use to describe me and/or my jokes instead:
lazy, easy, cheap, offensive, stupid, lame, boring, dull, ignorant, sloppy, hurtful, dumb, obvious, old, meh, weak, mean, ugly, poor, nasty, unkind, unnecessary, uncool, unhelpful, mediocre, malicious, warped, rude, inconsiderate, stale, callous, narrow-minded, gross, divisive, upsetting and sinful (though fyi, I usually take that last one as a compliment).