Dear Father in Heaven, God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, Who doth provide for His followers in their time of desperate need, let there be a new one. Let there be a New Release, oh Merciful God, a new book of invaluable writing advice, a book filled with never-before-revealed methods,
As much as I would surely adore granting all requests? There is a loooooooong line and I’m just now beginning to get started. There is no coffee, and it’s Groundhog Day in America, where people pray for short-term nonessential stuff like traffic breaks. I get a kick out of watching this pagan reenactment of praying for the weather to change; humans gonna human. Please hold…🎶🎶🎶
Whenever I am asked to give advice on writing books I always say the same (possibly obnoxious) four words: “Get. Ass. In. Chair.” Which may explain why I am never invited to Writers Conferences.
I always tell folks that it's an awful, awful job that will turn their brains inside out and destroy all their relationships, and they should look for something in chartered accounting because they'll be happier with that.
Love this , you are both hilarious and poetic, descriptive yet metaphorical and give us a gullywasher of a story each time you write. I’m a huge fan. Don’t stop.
Bulls-eye about procrastination self-deception - applies to many areas besides writing. You should see all the books I have on scuba diving and I can barely doggy-paddle across the pool.
Maybe try fingers on your keyboard, your brain is just going to make it all gooey and then the keys will stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
This is an epic poem, in every sense. I was going to defend Stephen King's "On Writing" but really, does that smug know-it-all really need my endorsement?
As much as I would surely adore granting all requests? There is a loooooooong line and I’m just now beginning to get started. There is no coffee, and it’s Groundhog Day in America, where people pray for short-term nonessential stuff like traffic breaks. I get a kick out of watching this pagan reenactment of praying for the weather to change; humans gonna human. Please hold…🎶🎶🎶
Another prayer never to be answered
None of them ever are. Beware of claims to the contrary.
Spectacular piece!
Whenever I am asked to give advice on writing books I always say the same (possibly obnoxious) four words: “Get. Ass. In. Chair.” Which may explain why I am never invited to Writers Conferences.
Tough to pad that out to 45 minutes.
But great on a throw pillow.
(You guys crack me up!)
I always tell folks that it's an awful, awful job that will turn their brains inside out and destroy all their relationships, and they should look for something in chartered accounting because they'll be happier with that.
And Lo, the goddess of WhoAreYouKidding snorts while she sips some coffee….
Love this , you are both hilarious and poetic, descriptive yet metaphorical and give us a gullywasher of a story each time you write. I’m a huge fan. Don’t stop.
Ditto, toots
Bulls-eye about procrastination self-deception - applies to many areas besides writing. You should see all the books I have on scuba diving and I can barely doggy-paddle across the pool.
"(...) I, in my terrible darkness,
a beggar without choice,
look for guidance on writing to Stephen King,
whose writing I think is just dreadful."
Finally someone said it, a kindred spirit!
Oh darling, we can't be that alone in a just universe!
A what universe?
I must have bought a hundred of those. Anything to avoid actually putting pen to paper, or brain to keyboard.
Maybe try fingers on your keyboard, your brain is just going to make it all gooey and then the keys will stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Toes, spleen, and kidney pie.
You have the best commenters.
and you've done it, on this very day, as I wonder -with wonder- how blessed Shalom Shaloms,
and his Auslander Auslanders
Shalom!! You’ve done it again, I am laughing so hard. Thank you for Shalom-ing or Auslandering. No one can do it but you, sir 🫡
yes yes - THIS!!
beautiful!
And may it be so. This is funny-not-funny-funny. I love it.
When in doubt, a rewatch of the Big Lebowski will fix everything.
This is an epic poem, in every sense. I was going to defend Stephen King's "On Writing" but really, does that smug know-it-all really need my endorsement?
"though you knowest all truth, All-Knowing One,
and You knowest that I don’t really love Shakespeare,
nor can I stand Dickens,
and that Carver doth make me want to blow my fucking head off,
but I would like to be as respected as them, O Lord"
I think I just snorted out loud. I'm not a praying person but let me say, "Amen!"