31 Comments
Oct 12, 2023·edited Oct 12, 2023Liked by Shalom Auslander

I loved this so much I sent it on to many people, most of whom, I hope, will subscribe, including my bro-in-law who will definitely laugh (raised orthodox catholic). Thank you, Shalom!

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There's a part 3?! I'm sorry, that's terrible but also incredible news.

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Oct 12, 2023Liked by Shalom Auslander

So now I know what a shofar is. Unfortunately, my new-found knowledge is tainted.

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Shofar doesn't sound shogood.

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This writing brings me a wide range of emotions:?ranging from hilarious, empathetic, warm & fuzzy to cringing sympathetic pain. This piece is fabulous

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I feel bad laughing, but God this is comedy gold. I really hope you're okay.

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founding

It is said that afterwards there is amnesia for severe pain

May your amnesia come swiftly … though clearly not swiftly enough

Hoping you will be ok soon and sooner

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Imagine the dick pic... Fame and fortune! "Once the desired state was achieved, I had to somehow hold myself with one hand, maintain that state with nmy second hand, hold the protractor with my third hand and try to take a photo with my iPhone with my fourth hand."

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Two comments:

1) OMG (if there is a G)

2) Regarding your insurance company requiring photographic proof: Why would anyone fake this malady?

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hooking a largemouth bass.

Lol

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please tell me that a part 3 is coming very soon.

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Shalom, this is such brilliant writing! I'm so sorry for your pain except that it truly makes me appreciate your genius.

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When I go to hell, it will be for laughing my ass off about your suffering. Sorry, not sorry.

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Everyone needs to read this. I am on fucking tenterhooks... What happens next???

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You could not make this up!

Ff

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“ the image of intercourse with a shofar-shaped penis recalled not so much making love as it did hooking a largemouth bass.”

Priceless.

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