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Should I Do Anal?
A Substack Writer’s Dilemma
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Shalom Auslander
121
The Existential Threat to Humanity of Brightly Colored Child Handwriting Fonts with Clapping Hands Emojis
There is much to worry the mind these days about the future of our species and planet – war, climate change, further “Ghostbuster” remakes and whatever…
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Shalom Auslander
51
"Yes, But What Do the Half-Baked Think?"
Perhaps the trouble with college student protests isn’t the college students protesting.
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Shalom Auslander
181

April 2024

Death Camp Blues
Nobody enjoys news about hatred and genocide and anti-Semitism and swastikas and violence more than me, but I thought some of you might enjoy a laugh …
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Shalom Auslander
31
15:25
Pharaohs Aren’t the Problem. We Are.
The Passover story I was taught in the ultra-Orthodox yeshivas of my youth was that of a villainous Pharaoh, a heartless tyrant who ruled with an iron…
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Shalom Auslander
57
Good Afternoon, May I Help You Choose an Anal Toy Today?
An Essay, Believe it or Not, On Writing.
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Shalom Auslander
59
Key Data Findings Regarding the Savage Beatings
As you know, it’s been a difficult few years for our project. Morale was suffering, and motivation was low. We were beginning to lose our sense of…
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Shalom Auslander
94
A Word to the Unwise
Confessions of a fool.
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Shalom Auslander
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Oldster Magazine
104

March 2024

The Period Who Became A Question Mark
ABOVE: The author at 17, in full period mode. I was raised by periods. My father was a period and my mother was a period. My ultra-Orthodox rabbis were…
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Shalom Auslander
92
Now That We Do Everything Else From Home, Why Don't We Try Living In It?
An idea whose time has come back.
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Shalom Auslander
109
An Open Letter to the Organizers of the Next Holocaust
To Whom It May Concern; I am writing to you because a friend sent me a link to a recent article by Franklin Foer about how everyone hates Jews and we’re…
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Shalom Auslander
100
Everyone Is Awesome, Except for Everyone That Isn't Me
Lessons from the LEGO Everyone is Awesome (#40516) building set
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Shalom Auslander
62
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