Sitemap - 2024 - Shalom Auslander's Fetal Position

October '24

Ungodly E8

Thoughts of a Thought Leader

A Final (Delicious) Solution

Red Fish, Blue Fish, I Can't Afford Tuna Fish

What If It’s Funny?

A Plague of Seriousness

September '24

Whatever Happened to Good Old-Fashioned Diarrhea?

What People Who Use Phones or Laptops in Coffee Shops Without Headphones Can Possibly Be Thinking

A Straitjacket for Two

Phillip Seymour Hoffman: The Not Lost Tapes

Someday You May Miss This Miserable Now

Why Do Dogs Lick Themselves?

Lines: A Beginner’s Guide

"A Feeling of Abnormal Meaningfulness"

The Flag of Fuck You

And Now For Some Autofellatio

Death By Winning

Sacred Cows Make the Best Burgers

Someone Has Been Fiddling With The Volume

The Time Has Come For Me To Affix Threatening Stickers To The Back Of My Truck

UnGodly E7

Should I Do Anal?

The Existential Threat to Humanity of Brightly Colored Child Handwriting Fonts with Clapping Hands Emojis

"Yes, But What Do the Half-Baked Think?"

Death Camp Blues

Pharaohs Aren’t the Problem. We Are.

Good Afternoon, May I Help You Choose an Anal Toy Today?

Key Data Findings Regarding the Savage Beatings

A Word to the Unwise

The Period Who Became A Question Mark

Now That We Do Everything Else From Home, Why Don't We Try Living In It?

An Open Letter to the Organizers of the Next Holocaust

Everyone Is Awesome, Except for Everyone That Isn't Me

E6: Turning People Into Salt Doesn't Make You Right

How to Lose Your Love Handles - and Contempt for Humanity - in Just 3 Minutes a Day

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Whoredom

Prayer Upon Arriving Again At The Writing Section Of The Local Bookstore

On A Scale of One to Ten, How Much Excruciating Emotional Agony Are You In?

UnGodly E5: Why You Shouldn't Be A Horrible Sodomite

Competitive Suffering

The Jewish N-Word

Beckett Drove a Deux Chevaux

The Nazi in the Haystack

The Asshole Question